Am I just an idiot magnet this weekend.

Rhetorical question for someone on patrol I know, but here we go.

Last night I’m working DWI overtime and after getting one processed, another unit was nice enough to transport her to jail for me. My department frowns on working more than 16 hours in a shift because of fatigue and other issues. I was about to finish my report then I file the charges (20 minutes work tops) and I’m gone just in time for the end of a 16 hour shift.

Well another female suspect decided to make life interesting. After being informed the officer had obtained a warrant for a blood draw she screamed “You’re not taking my blood” and a few other choice words I will not mention here. The officer then asks me and a couple of others to help and it takes almost five minutes to get her cuffed. Then she will not cooperate so we have to bring in the chair we use for blood draws, strap her in, wheel her to the room and then she resist the nurse. We had to flatten her hand so the nurse could use the butterfly on her. Well that wastes a half hour so I finish the report and start working on my charges. To my joy I find the charge system (some of the best technology 1980 could buy...it’s amazing how primitive our software is) has gone down.

I wait five minutes and it comes up. Oh boy. I log one and as I finish the first page (my information and the DA’s info) the system locks up and dies.

Repeat five more times until I say screw it, I’ll try it at at a computer at the station.

It’s working and I get through the first page. Then I finish the second page (identifying information on the suspect) and SOP, it locks up and dies.

Repeat multiple times but at least it was stable enough I was able to get through one page at a time before it crashed.

I get more or less finished by 730 and called another officer who said she would enter the last witness’s data for me. Get home and asleep around 830 after a 17.5 hour shift.

I’m getting too old for this. As I was really to leave I met some friends from the night shift and mentioned “A sign you’re getting old is when you were 20 you went to bed around 6....now you get up at 6!”

Well after a few hours sleep I’m’ getting ready for for Saturday watch. I’ve put on my uniform, went to the truck to drop off a few things before leaving. I’m about to depart when there is a knock at the door. A complete stranger asks me “Are you a police officer?”

As I”m standing in my uniform a few thoughts came to mind, but I was courteous to one of my elders and said “Yes ma’am I am. How can I help you.”

She asks me to help her get her granddaughter in her car.

Now one thing I’ve been learned since the academy is don’t police off duty, with exceptions. If a stranger is getting his ass kicked it’s incumbent upon me as a peace officer to take action on or off duty. This is not one of those exceptions. It’s a family issue and I’m not required to assist and I don’t want to pry into a neighbor’s family matters.

I try and explain this to the grandmother and she is not happy, but after about five minutes she leaves. Pissed off but welcome to life.

After getting to work praying for a short shift I get on the street. I get called to an accident on the freeway and they are very dangerous. The side of a freeway is an excellent place to get killed. Well I drive up and the two cars are on the shoulder. I get out and go to the first vehicle where the driver is in intense conversation with someone. I knock to get her attention and she raises her hand with a finger (not the middle) like to say “one minutes”. I knock harder, she opens the window and I have to explain the facts the life very quickly.

“Are you hurt?

“No, but my insurance company....”

“Excuse me, give me your license and insurance. We are getting off this highway now!”

I go to the other car where they have two children in the back and get the driver’s license and explain we’re leaving. I tell both we’re about to move and my first pain in the ass waves me over.

“Officer, my insurance company says the children need to be checked....”

“Ma’am, we’re going to take care of that off this highway!” After knowing her for less than two minutes I’m getting to think of her as a modern version of Mrs. Kravitz and she is that annoying. She is completely oblivious to the fact even in that car of hers she can get killed right now.

Well we get off the highway alive, I”m starting my investigation and one of the questions I always ask for my report is “What do you do for a living?‘ Sounds simple enough, kinda like “How old are you?” or “What is your name?” It gets complicated. I ask my driver that question and her answer is “I work.”

I resist the answers coming into my head and I have to pry a bit. “Ok, what exactly do you to. I’m a police officer?”

“I work at an office”

“Got it. What do you do at the office? Secretary? General admin? “ I resisted the temptation to ask if Mrs Kravitz was there to clean the office because that is what I’m figuring her common sense quotient is not too high. Well after about two minutes I determine she is an office manager. I won’t go there.

Anyway, after starting my initial interview with the driver of the other car who have two kids (two and three months) they ask for a medic to check the kids out. I request an ambulance. After about five minutes I can hear the siren and then I can here Mrs. Kravitz.

“Officer there is an ambulance, you can flag it down.”

I hold it back even though I’m on limited sleep, no rest, not enough caffeine and in desperate need of some scotch.

“Yes ma’am, I called for them.”

Another simple question I had to ask Mrs Kravitz. “Ma’am, what lane were you in at the time of the accident?”

“The fast lane.”

“Ma’am, I take it you mean the left lane...”

It took a couple of minutes to verify this was a correct assumption on my part. Can’t be too sure with her.

The medics check the kids out, they are fine and in a few more minutes it’s done. Or so I thought. Mrs Kravitz asks for directions to get back on the highway. I point out where the on ramp is, tell her how to get there (it’s not not like I haven’t patrolled this area for over seven years) and she proceeds to drive in a completely different way than what I told her.

Don’t go there man, get out before she comes back asking for more directions.

Finish the report, finish my shift with no more contact with unintelligent life forms and am now at home with an excellent cigar and some 12 year old scotch, actually looking forward to catching up on some house work tomorrow and the ride to the state capital on Monday for the Texas Peace Officers Memorial Services

Life is improving. The temperature has dropped so I’m finishing this in shorts, a t-shirt and a light jacket. I gotta finish my Romeo y Julieta, although Elmer wants his Daddy back in the house.

Have a great weekend!