Another sign the terrorist have won

One of the indisputable facts of life is no matter how screwed up a situation is, the federal government can hit the warp drive and screw it up even more. From the greatest current example of a federal bureaucracy that needs to be deleted from the budget. To borrow the phrase from the Pharaoh,

Let the name of Transportation Security Administration be stricken from every book and tablet, stricken from all pylons and obelisks, stricken from every monument of America. Let the name of the TSA be unheard and unspoken, erased from the memory of men for all time

Vibrators "okay," according to TSA

According to an article that ran in the San Francisco Chronicle over the weekend, your special friend is a-okay to pack in your carry-on luggage.

"The Transportation Safety Administration, whose job it is to consider fully such matters, has decreed that vibrators are OK. The TSA says whips, chains, leashes, restraints and manacles are OK, too." the article states.

That's the crux of it. But the article goes on to discuss the issue of whether or not you should carry your vibrator onto the plane. Are you a nervous traveler already? Prone to looking shifty in line? Yep, you're going to get flagged. And when you're flagged, you're inspected.

Our favorite quote?

"They sell vibrators at Walgreens," said Good Vibrations salesman Mike Korcek. "You can't get more mainstream than that. Remember, vibrators have been around longer than airplanes."

Size Matters

Be careful of the above statements being taken at face value. While vibrating devices themselves are allowed, they are still subject to the same stipulations as other carry-on luggage. This applies to objects that are "club-like," which the article refers to as "anatomically correct cylinders of roughly a foot or so in length."

Nico Melendez, a TSA spokesperson, reminds us of the prohibition against carrying on items such as "billy clubs, black jacks, brass knuckles, nunchakus and martial arts weapons."

Generally speaking, you're safe with anything under seven inches in length.

Thank you, Chronicle, for this gem. "In other words, according to the TSA, size matters."

Travel Tips

Don't want to get caught? Follow these tips:

Remove the batteries. It will prevent your travel companion from going off unexpectedly and in inopportune places - like the security line and overhead bin.

Make sure all liquids and gels are 3-1-1 compliant. You may want to transfer that KY into an unmarked container as well.

Handcuffs are legally allowed, but you may want to check them ... or opt for a less conspicuous silk or cotton variety.

Whips and leather floggers are legal. Do not back down, says Carol Queen, owner of the Good Vibrations website. She suggests that a simple "that's my whip" should suffice.

Be careful where you are traveling - foreign countries may have different restrictions.In Saudi Arabia, the article notes, alcohol, weapons, pork and pornography are not permitted.

We leave you on this note from the Chronicle: "Sometimes after a hard flight," said Queen, "what a woman really needs to do is go to the hotel and plug in."

I cannot get on a plane with my Swiss Army pocket knife but I can bring on handcuffs (full disclosure I own five sets...I am a cop ;<) ) or a whip. Do these people think I cannot use those as a weapon? Please, next president and congress, please send these fired Wal-Mart greeters, former homeless mental patients and perverts who used to get their jollies from the seat of a van at the park while drinking from a paper bag and watching the kids play through binoculars sent back to their formerly more useful lives.

God, if this is the crap we have to pay billions to harass flyers so they can capture....not one terrorist in the miserable life of the TSA. What has this nation come to?

Somewhere down there from hell UBL is smiling...he's won.