A Best Friend? You Must Be Kidding
FROM the time they met in kindergarten until they were 15, Robin Shreeves and her friend Penny were inseparable. ...
Today, Ms. Shreeves, of suburban Philadelphia, is the mother of two boys. Her 10-year-old has a best friend. In fact, he is the son of Ms. Shreeves’s own friend, Penny. But Ms. Shreeves’s younger son, 8, does not.,,,
One might be tempted to feel some sympathy for the younger son. After all, from Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, the childhood “best friend” has long been romanticized in literature and pop culture — not to mention in the sentimental memories of countless adults.
But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?
Hum...educators and other professionals...i.e. idiots. Again I go back to a fact I like to point out....being educated doesn't mean your intelligent.
...the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.
“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”
MS Laycob, let me ask you...do you have a really special friend you talk to when the day is really bad...someone you know will call you when they have a really screwed up day? If you don't that's really sad....get a real life. And stop trying to keep these kids from having a life.
“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”
Ms Laycob, maybe you should worry about teaching little Johnny can read and write, not if he and little Keven spend more time together than they spend with Big Chuck and Tina Barry.
That attitude is a blunt manifestation of a mind-set that has led adults to become ever more involved in children’s social lives in recent years. The days when children roamed the neighborhood and played with whomever they wanted to until the streetlights came on disappeared long ago, replaced by the scheduled play date. While in the past a social slight in backyard games rarely came to teachers’ attention the next day, today an upsetting text message from one middle school student to another is often forwarded to school administrators, who frequently feel compelled to intervene in the relationship. (Ms. Laycob was speaking in an interview after spending much of the previous day dealing with a “really awful” text message one girl had sent another.) Indeed, much of the effort to encourage children to be friends with everyone is meant to head off bullying and other extreme consequences of social exclusion.
Hate to tell you, there will always be bullying...you can't stop that.
As the calendar moves into summer, efforts to manage friendships don’t stop with the closing of school. In recent years Timber Lake Camp, a co-ed sleep-away camp in Phoenicia, N.Y., has started employing “friendship coaches” to work with campers to help every child become friends with everyone else. If two children seem to be too focused on each other, the camp will make sure to put them on different sports teams, seat them at different ends of the dining table or, perhaps, have a counselor invite one of them to participate in an activity with another child whom they haven’t yet gotten to know.
“I don’t think it’s particularly healthy for a child to rely on one friend,” said Jay Jacobs, the camp’s director. “If something goes awry, it can be devastating. It also limits a child’s ability to explore other options in the world.”
"Friendship coaches"...pardon me while I puke.
But such an attitude worries some psychologists who fear that children will be denied the strong emotional support and security that comes with intimate friendships.
“Do we want to encourage kids to have all sorts of superficial relationships? Is that how we really want to rear our children?” asked Brett Laursen, a psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University whose specialty is peer relationships. “Imagine the implication for romantic relationships. We want children to get good at leading close relationships, not superficial ones.”
Really close relationships...little girls and boys not learning how to interact and the social skills that came with growing up normal. But at least a "friendship coaches" will be able to justify his worthless employment.
Now that I'm through puking 3 precious beers that cost me good money I shall comment. Friendship is a special trust that is strenghthened only through time, trial and tribulations. A best friend is the epitamy of that friendship. Trust is the core foundation of a civilized society. So many of the most critical functions of our society are based on it. Such as marriage, for example. One of the reasons why some people, who are paranoid by nature, "snap" is that they feel that there is no one that they can turn to ... aka ... no one that they can "trust". I could go on, but, I need another refill to replinish what I lost earlier. I think everyone will get my point. If not - get a brain.
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